Yes I'm Angry

Yesterday I may have come across as a bit angry, there's a good reason for that, I am! I was brought up to be proud of my Country, I am old enough that when I was at primary school most of the map on the wall was still coloured pink (representing the British Empire), we supported a "poor" school in an African Country that has since changed it's name after getting rid of us ~ the colonial power. We were taught that the British Empire was a force for good and that colonialism was our gift to the World, spreading civilisation and Christianity. When we travelled abroad (yes we were lucky) we couldn't help noticing that on the whole British people dressed better, had better cars, our houses were in better condition and and our roads were certainly better.

Of course some of this is a reflection of the rather comfortable life I now realise I was leading, the aftermath of the war was another major factor, Northern Europe took an even heavier battering than southern England, and took longer to recover and rebuild ~ none the less I grew up with a feeling of superiority and pride.  Now I see our water companies pump raw sewage into our rivers, our Health Service is in crises, our police are undermanned and failing. Our local authorities are broke (I live in Croydon) which means that social services, parks, libraries, social care and other essential services are on their knees. Our roads are full of pot holes, our cost of living is going up while fuel companies and overseas utility companies rack in the profits. We are experiencing strikes within the National Health Service, from teachers, university staff, transport, refuse collectors and more. I hear of working families dependent on dependent on benefits and having to use food banks ~ of course I'm angry.

Of course others of my generation had similar experiences and we now look at our country and feel ashamed. The difference is some of us know we can do better by moving forward, by embracing the potential of a modern multicultural Britain. By investing in people, in services, in infrastructure. We accept that to have a better more caring society we need to contribute, after all we only get what we pay for! Others seek others to blame, they look back at a white heteronormative Britain and think that is what made it feel better. They don't want to contribute but they do want to exclude.

I often complain about the marginalisation of trans people, about the paucity of the medical care available, but the truth of it is that many minorities are being marginalised and unsupported, people with disabilities, people with mental health requirements, LGBT+ people in general and of course people of colour. This is all part of the "Othering" going on, of finding somebody else to blame. To not accept our own responsibility for situation we find ourselves in. That is teh background to our Government's latest attack on immigration ~ and I suspect that they know it won't work they just want to play to the lowest common denominator in the electorate, feed the hate distract from mess.

So yes I'm angry, I'm angry that my own Government has made me ashamed to be British, I'm ashamed that we have abandoned any pretence of liberal humane standards, I'm ashamed that we've created a society where working people can't afford the basics of life. I'm ashamed that so many just don't seem to care. So yes I want to support those who do speak out in any way I can, whether it's ex-footballer Gary Lineker, pop star Feargal Sharkey (campaigning about water pollution) or ex rugby star Ben Cohen taking a stand against bullies, you have my support (for what it's worth)

Points of view

Cheese rolling, Coopers Hill 2018

Here in the UK we have all sorts of quaint old fashioned traditions, things like cheese rolling in Gloucestershire, Morris Dancing (no cars were harming in making this post) and burning the Pope in effigy (it's actually worse than it sounds!). But not all of our traditional pursuits are ridiculous or dangerous, after all through our sporting endeavours we have given the World football, golf, cricket, rugby, and I am sure many others. But some never made it to the international stage.

Thank goodness the Atherstone Ball game is one of those that didn't make it. An annual event played every shrove Tuesday in the pretty midlands town of Atherstone, it all started in 1199 and doesn't appear to have changed much since then. The rules are simple, basically whoever is in possession of the ball at the end of the game (05:00 pm) is the winner, oh yes and competitors are not allowed to kill each other!  Since we are now in Lent we have just had the 823rd playing of the game, such an historic event of course gets widely reported, here we have two reports on the match, first from the BBC  Atherstone Shrove Tuesday ball game marks 823rd event - BBC News and here from the Metro https://api.metro.co.uk/video/brutal-end-atherstone-ball-game-2023-lads-hurt-annual-tradition-2882959/  Both reporting on the same event, but clearly from different perspectives.

There have been a few times when I have attended an event or sports game, and when I later read reports wondered if the reporter had actually been to the same event. On one occasion I read a review of a concert I had played in and it criticked a piece we didn't even play! 

I suppose the point of all this is that your view of something all depends on how you approach it, a quaint and charming tradition, or licensed thuggery ~ and of course it is the same in politics. Today Kier Stammer the leader of the UK Labour party announced his five core missions for government if elected, from my perspective they are a bit bland centerish Tory Light, to my brother they will be far left dangerous socialism ~ we approach from different points of view.

It has always been the case that people will approach events or situations from different stand points after all we all have different formative experiences and different attitudes, but it does seem to me that over the last few years views have become polarised and entrenched. I would like to see a bit more nuance, a bit  more openness to alternative views, a bit more compassion, and perhaps acceptance of the simple idea that sometimes "I don't know" is a perfectly good and rational answer.

A little bit of Finn Russell magic goes a long way

On Saturday Wales will be playing England at Rugby in the Six Nations, at the moment I am quite sure that one of my brothers thinks that England will win, and that the other thinks Wales will. For my part I just suspect that it will be the worst game of the championship. 

At the beginning of the Six Nations, I thought France were going to kick up a level ready for the World Cup and would win a Grand Slam, I thought the new coach Steve Borthwick would have an immediate positive effect on the squad  and England would win three matches, with Scotland fulfilling their usual role of promising much and delivering little. Clearly I was wrong on all fronts, maybe I was just approaching it from the wrong perspective.

Advent Calendar IX

I realise that yesterday's post wasn't exactly informative! Having committed to posting everyday up to Christmas is proving quite a tough ask, especially since I have had quite a hectic weekend.

Saturday I played with Croydon Brass Band for the switching on of the Christmas lights at South Norwood ~ yes I did play, rather than the full band it was more a case of "Members of the Croydon Band" we were a bit short of basses so rather than conduct I played and had to rely on everyone following. I think we played well and sounded good. The Mayor came along as did the local Councillors, the MP must have been occupied elsewhere!

The lights were actually switched on by Santa, I was hoping to sit on his knee, but he managed to escape!

I was also hoping for some photos to share ~ maybe before too long they'll show up.

After that I went for dinner with some friends, staying over so I could have a glass or two. The morning was filled with a rehearsal before dashing up to town for the Orchestra concert. With all the running around and work I've been doing I have started to make mistakes. First of all on Saturday I forgot to pack my dress for Sunday, then much worse when I got to the orchestra run through before the concert I found I didn't have my music, I had left it at home. A frantic dash home and back I arrived in time to play, but was a bit flustered which never helps.

Yesterday's photo was taken in the pub straight after we played ~ I think everybody else was a bit shy of having their photo blogged.

I often wonder if anyone is reading this, I write it then send it our into the ether and just hope, so it was a real joy to meet a reader last night, she had come to enjoy the concert after reading about it here!

I'll hate myself later

It's one O'clock on Thursday afternoon, this should be working day, I have stuff to do, work, washing up, housework, laundry, finding my car key! yet I am sitting at my desk surfing the interweb "wasting time".  Indeed getting dressed would be a good start!

Last night I played in a concert with my wonderful Croydon Symphonic Band, I even had a little solo in Stuart Johnson's Circus Suite. During the interval I was introduced to a lady of senior years who was so pleased to find a woman playing the Tuba, she was struck by how unusual it is to see women playing these instruments (we also had a very good, very young woman playing trombone) and breaking gender stereotypes. 

Then there is Sunday's concert with the London Gay Symphony Orchestra, I am genuinely excited about this program, even after around 45 years plying orchestral music every now and then a program will hit me as truly inspiring, this is one of those! Tickets are still available, buy in advance a save a few pennies!

All this after playing in a service, a concert and a rehearsal on Sunday, an evening rehearsal on Monday, and an evening meeting to speak at on Tuesday evening. I have already written about Saturday's inspiring conference but, all this while trying to work as well.

I found that after this succession of meetings, rehearsals, and performances I just needed to crash out and take some time out.   I have been making mistakes, yesterday I lost my one and only car key, I need to find that or spend a lot of money and time sourcing a replacement! Tuesday I got a parking ticket, simply by not following my usual process, I need a break, but don't have a holiday booked till the end of September.

I should be concentrating my efforts more on making Croydon Pridefest even more brilliant than it -was last year, At the same time I am already starting to work out how we can make next year even more inclusive, especially of some of the more marginalised groups within the LGBT+ community.

I will hate myself later for getting behind with work, but just now I need the time and the space!

More WOW!!!

It has been quite a week, and now it seems hard to believe that it is only a week ago that I was sitting on the platform of the Royal Festival Hall surrounded by women all coming to gather to make music, and a point or two!

This weekend I have virtually nothing on, and what I had planed couldn't be done due to the weather ~ Yes we've got snow again!  This has lead me to thinking, thinking about just why playing at WOW has, and does mean so much to me.   As an avid Women's Hour listener I have been aware of the festival for a while, but not specifically about the big finale event in the main Hall with Sandy Toksvig, so when back in 2014 a friend shared the call for musicians for the 2015 event it came as a bit of a surprise, a very pleasant surprise that they considered me to be a suitable applicant.

Orchestra and Choir ~ with many conductors!

 If I remember correctly the application form invited all musicians of a competent standard who are women, or identify as women, to apply. At that stage I was still very sensitive about being considered a woman, and felt that playing in this event would be affirmation of my womanhood. I was quite right, as  young trans woman, young as in accepting that I'm trans not in terms of how many rings there will be to count if my heads cut off, it was inspiring. I was still very nervous, I was constantly expecting somebody to call me out, shout out "That's not even a proper woman!" I certainly wasn't ready for communal changing facilities.   All the other ladies made me very welcome, accepted me as part of the orchestra and as part of the wider sisterhood. Nobody mentioned, or suggested that I might be Trans.

The second year was simply the coolest thing I have done in music, or just about any other sphere of life. It was hot on the heels of this that BBC started filming for the Great British Amateur Orchestra Challenge at about 17:30 in you can hear a few of us singing "We are family" as I recount the story of my previous weekend.   I was feeling a bit more confidence in myself, both as a woman and as a musician, this was about the time that I began to realise that I had been acting all my life, I had just been playing a variety of roles, husband, father, employee, musician, in many ways this was when I started to develop the confidence to be me, all the time.

Being asked to play for third year running was a great affirmation of me as a musician, it meant that I was good enough, that I did have a right to be on that stage, I did not have to worry about being found out (imposter syndrome is a big problem for a lot of musicians). It was also my way as a woman, of saying enough! time for a change!

Sneaky shot of the section during performance

This year was different, I wanted to play, not just because it's fun, not just because I enjoy the music and the camaraderie, this year I wanted to play to make apolitical statement, a political statement as a Transgender Woman and as a Feminist.   Over the last few years things have got better for trans people, we have attained a lot more general acceptance in society. A few high profile transitions have helped make it all seem a little less strange.   But then over the last year there has been a bit of a back lash, with some quite hateful stuff coming out, especially from a group who describe themselves as feminists. This hurts as much as when people claiming to be Christian show hate instead of love, where we should be getting the greatest support we find some of the worst rejection.   So for me to get on the stage of the Royal Festival Hall as a Trans Woman at the Nations premier Feminist event would be a real political action ~ Actions Not Words!

The opening Fanfare

When I found I was not going to play I was quite knocked back, I really wanted this year! But then I reflected that I had played for three years, it is great that other, younger women, are now playing at a standard where they can do this, and that they want to. I was just trying to decide how many tickets to buy when I got the e-mail calling me up.   Again a bit of a roller coaster as my first thought was personal elation that I would be part of this, my second thought was disappointment for the player whose place I was taken through sickness, and then fear as at that point I hadn't played the trombone since Christmas!

Of course it all went really well, I'm looking forward to a new venture Women Of the World Brass, but one of the most notable things about this year's event for me was that I was talking to other performers about being trans, and getting so much love and support, this for me is the true face of feminism.

Irregular

I know I have been a very irregular presence around here just recently, to be honest I just haven't had the "will" to do much at all.   I struggled long and hard over what word to use before I settled on will, my first thought was "energy", then I thought about "enthusiasm" but neither seemed to quite sum up how I have been feeling.

The weather and attendant lack of work opportunities haven't helped, but over the last few weeks I have really struggled to get going and get things done.   I struggle to get out of bed in the morning and then I end up sitting up late watching rubbish TV.  I know I have to go out and do something at a particular time, but still struggle to leave the flat.   In simple terms I am having a great deal of trouble over coming inertia.   Even when there are things I want to do, I have trouble stopping doing whatever else it is I am engaged on to do it.

Don't get me wrong I haven't let anyone down, when I know that I am being relied on I can get up and out, I may not be as prepared as I would prefer, but I manage. I suspect that some of this is simply seasonal, I always struggle during the winter, and this one seems to have gone on for too long! I also suspect that some of it may be my medication. I can't help wondering if some of it is also that maybe I need to make some more fundamental changes in my lifestyle! I certainly don't want to have to go through another winter like this, with not enough money to make sure I have enough of everything else.

Anyway it is now time for me to get on with some proper work! I have invoices to get out, e-mails to send, and stuff to sell!

What Next?

I am in the strange position of having to face up to a few life changing decisions at the moment, in some way these decisions are a reflection of a bigger question, how do I want to live the rest of my live.   What sort of a live do I want to live.   I suppose some of this is the realisation of quite a bog birthday looming later this year, when I was forty I had just become a parent, when I was fifty I decided that it was high time I started to work out exactly what my gender miss match was all about.   Now I am approaching sixty I have questions about my body, my profession and my education.

Amongst other things I revisiting a question I thought I had settled over forty years ago. At that point I could think of no subject I wanted to study for three years, and what I saw of the student life as modeled for me by both my brothers simply did not appeal.   Instead I decided to join the workforce at that point my plan had been to work my way up, getting professional qualifications on the way, and enjoy a nice suburban lifestyle, with a nice suburban wife and family, paid for through my nice suburban job.   In short I was expecting to have a life in a world that was rapidly disappearing.   The jobs I anticipated doing no longer exist, the qualifications I achieved (AIB part 2) are irrelevant and equally extinct.    It took me about 3 years to work out that retail banking was boring, repetitive, and was never going to satisfy me.   The next job was also accounts based (in those days before PCs my dyslexia prevented me doing anything word based)  I enjoyed working for that Company and expected it to be a job for life ~ alas the 80 were the time when such things just disappeared.   The office I worked in is now a restaurant I can't afford to eat in, and the Company no longer manufactures in Britain, and at least has had the decency to drop the tag line "The Great British Radial"

Maybe that should have been the point to look at this but I thought I couldn't afford to take three years out of earning.   Now I am thinking if I don't do it now it will be too late, and I will have missed what could be my last opportunity.   A few years I ago I did Theology course through the C of E and thoroughly enjoyed it, at that time I had planned to continue the studies, but other matters, like earning a living, supporting a family and then transition all got in the way.   Now I am considering the implications of dropping my business and going to university to study for a degree in theology.   This would mean that after leaving I would still have three years before state pension age in which to try and earn a living. ~ There is a lot  to weigh up, not least how would I cope in a learning environment? and would I be able to manage exams?

What I need to find is a source of information and advise, if I were still at school I would be able to go to a member of staff, but a s a potential (very) mature student who can I go to?

And a bit more

After putting yesterday's post up I realised that I needed a label for WOW, so I have gone through and added it to the nine posts I considered should have it.   In the process I was reminded of a few things

Back in March last year I made this post in response to an article by Jenny Murray in it I observed that

As it happens I do consider myself a feminist, I became a feminist not when I transitioned, and not when I started to suspect my true identity, no I truly became a feminist (rather than simply a sympathiser), when my daughter was born.   I wanted to be able to tell her to follow her dream, to assure her that she could be anything she wanted to be and not have to keep my fingers crossed behind my back.  I want to live in a society where when I tell my Daughter to be true to herself it is considered to be good advise.


At the moment my Daughter is following her dream, she is a Music College something I was prevented from doing, so I hope and pray that she will make this work and find a career in music ~ the hardest of professions, even if it is the greatest of hobbies

I realised that the photo I used and tagged as last year's brass section was actually from 2016 ~ sorry ladies! I feel rather surprised that I actually can't find any photos anywhere of last year's orchestra. If you have any, and are reading this please send me some.

Desert Island Discs finale

This has been a very interesting process, it has involved much more looking back on m life than I anticipated. When I started I thought I was just going to choose some of my favorite music, instead I ended up with music I love, but also has significance.   Thinking about these things brought back memories that I had long repressed, but that now make sense, I have chosen music that reminds me of people I care about, times that have made me who I am as well as simply tunes I like to listen to.

My daughter is a singer/songwriter I would have liked to have chosen some of her songs, but most of her recorded stuff is not really quite "my thing" and comes close to being a depressing.   I don't doubt her talent at all and would want something of her with me on my island ~ indeed I think my luxury would be a photo of my Daughter.

In the BBC Radio program they give a Bible (or other religious book) and one other book, I would prefer a NIV Study Bible, but as for my other book I am struggling to think of one, there are so many  that I like, I find books very possessable and have quite a few.   To settle on just one is very difficult, and my decision would probably be different if I were doing this next week. I am tempted by several novels, some I have enjoyed and some that I have been promising myself that I will get round to reading one day, but at the moment my choice is the RHS Encyclopedia of  Plants & Flowers. A veritable gold mine of information which when I get rescued I could put into practise.

I would have to be rescued as I would be totally useless at surviving on my own, once the food ran out I would be lost. I might be able to construct myself a shelter, of some type, I might be able to make a fire and I can cook and cultivate, but could I kill something to eat it? could I manage to catch a fish? I doubt it.   I am very much a product of my age, an age where we can get everything we need by popping down to the shops.

I have enjoyed this, and hope that you have as well.   I now have to decide whether I am going to repeat the trials of doing an Advent calendar again this year ~ again it is great fun, but each year it gets harder to find images and ideas that I have not already shared.

Googlewhack ~ Still leading the World

The other day I decided that I would check up on my strap line, the claim that I am the World's leading Transgender Bass Trombone and Tuba playing Christian Gardener.   I started with a google search for "Transgender Tuba Player" I should warn you not to do this if you are sensitive about your search history as some of the results are strange to say the least.

THE Transgender Tuba Player

In rehearsal at St John's Smith Square

I was happy to stop at this one search as I was actually the only result that was about a Transgender Tuba Player, I think this means that I may lay claim to be the World's Leading (out) Transgender Tuba Player even before I add in all the other qualifiers.   I thought this would make me a "Googlewhack"

Now a Googlewhack is a two word search in google that only returns one result, Dave Gorman had a lot of fun with this, making a whole series on the subject.   But since it is limited to two words I went on the check a couple of searches ~ "Transgender Tuba" and "Transgender Tubaplayer" interestingly I did not come up on either (although I do rather dominate the photo results ~ of course neither did any other transgender tuba players, just a lot of very strange stuff. This all makes me wonder about how the search engines work, and what searches they are used to.    Maybe it is best to stay in ignorance.

New Experiences

I have often been known to mention how blessed I am to be able to still have new experiences, even as I approach my sixth decade ever closer.   I am still finding new music to play, new friends to enjoy it with, new plants and gardens to enjoy, and indeed new aspects of simply being me!

Most of the time these new experiences are interesting, maybe even exciting! but every now and then I have a new experience that isn't so good.   This morning I had one of those.   My musical career, such as it is, has been built as much on reliability as it is on ability so despite a very tiring week and stupidly busy day yesterday, when I got up this morning the first thing I did was go to my computer to check my e-mails for the details of this afternoons band stand job.   It was only then that it registered that it wasn't an afternoon job at all, but a morning performance.   Worse than that, having over slept from being so tired I was not going to make it in time, never mind I would be late for the start, I would not get there in time for the second half!

This has never happened to me before and I am very disappointed with myself, and very sorry for the band I had promised to play with. I know the feeling of I have not only let then down I have let myself down. This is one experience I do not want to repeat.

I have to take a message from this and slow down a bit.   I have been trying to work as much as I can to try and get myself on an even financial keel, I have also been doing a lot of playing with a lot of different bands, indeed it has been a long busy summer, and now I am paying the toll.   If I am so tired that I am making this type of mistake I need to recuperate a bit.   So today I will be mostly doing very little apart from watching sport on the TV and pottering around the flat a bit.

I have my holiday to look forward to, but if I am going to last out until I go I still need to take some time just to rest.   After all even God rested! and then created the Sabbath for Man, I have to take this on board and make sure that I have a Sabbath each week, even if it is not on the Sunday. 

Girls Just Want To Have Fun

When transgender people transition it can be difficult, not just for them but for the people they work with, their families and friends.   I have been fortunate, or blessed, that I have not lost any of my friends or become estranged from any of my family, but I gather that in this, as in so many other things, I am unusual.   Many of the Trans people I come across are not working, or are working on their own much of the time, they live on their own and often don't have many friends outside of the trans community.

Inevitably within this community there are all too many fallings out.   With different people wanting different things, with hormones being all over the place, and many feeling embattled it is inevitable.   It is worth remembering that just because we happen to all be trans, that does not mean we will have other things in common.   I have yet to meet anyone in "the community" who shares my taste in music; most will not share my politics, or maybe my taste in literature or holidays.   The point is that we are a community of one shared characteristic, and if we rely on that community for our emotional and social support we will be let down!

I'm not given here to much in the way of handing out advice, but I do get concerned when I come across people, well mostly women, who are totally reliant upon the Trans Community for all of their social network, friendship and support.   As a group we are particularly susceptible to suicide and depression, so very much need social support.   Again I am blessed that as a musician I have a very large social network; I have friends who are not aware of ever having come across another trans person, they are my friends because they are my friends, because of who I am and what I do, not because of what I am.

I'm not trying to boast about what a popular and attractive girl I am, I am just trying to encourage others to stop reading blogs and other online stuff and go out and do things! Join a club, do AmDram, some sports, a cookery course, or a reading group, just get out there in "normal" society, get some friends, some friends who aren't going through the same stuff that you are, but can go to the pub with you and talk about something else! Have Fun!

So They Say

I've heard a lot recently about people denying the existence of Gender Non Binary ~ I have not seen any of these attacks myself but I can understand just how hurtful they might be for those who identify as non binary.   It is only recently that we have started to understand gender as a concept separate to physical sex, indeed when I was at school the two terms were considered to be interchangeable, so it should hardly be surprising that some people refuse to change their minds.

The very concept of Transgender is appalling to some people, so the idea of gender being a spectrum rather than a simple binary is just going to blow their minds.   I suspect that most of us accept the principle but struggle with the true understanding of how that feels, of course we do, how can any of us truly understand what we have not ourselves experienced.   I have some young friends who identify as non binary, or are moving towards that self understanding.   It has no real impact on any one except themselves, so why do some media types feel the need to express dissent?  Probably just to further their own career by exposing another minority to their bile, a minority that does not have legal or political support is an all too easy target for those who like to be seen as contentious.

Rather than simply give their views credence just because they are published, rather than get into pointless on line arguments that only serve to promote the hated view, maybe, just maybe, we should examine just who "these people" are, and what motivates their views.

Cartoons from 9 Chickweed Lane by Brook McEldowney

It's not always Easy

Although this started out as a Transgender Blog, it is an area of my life that I talk about less and less.   As my Wife has been known to comment "Not everything is about Gender", however it is often hard to relax and accept that even though I may not be everybody's idea of a "normal" woman this is me.   Increasingly I find that once I am up and going I rarely think about gender, just every now and then when I am struck with the incongruous.

When I am working I dress accordingly ~ jeans and sweater/ shirt or tee shirt ~ I do not wear make up or jewelry, it just wouldn't be sensible so when on occasion I am miss gendered I try to take it in my stride and not appear too offended.   But it does hurt, and when I am dressed up with the full shlap and sparkles then it really hurts!   It really hurts when people get my name wrong, and when it is deliberate I find it antagonistic, and I hate confrontations.

Perhaps I have been sending the wrong messages by not pulling people up when they get it wrong, maybe I have been sending the wrong messages by not writing about these things here; but generally I prefer to look on the up side and present a happy face.

The other morning I was sat at my dressing table and all I could see looking back at me was this old bloke, with big hands and thick muscular arms, it's difficult to explain how this feels, but it depresses, it undermines self confidence, it makes me want to hide and not go out; but work has to be done and life has to go on.   I pull on my big girl's pants and get on with it, then the episode of dysphoria passes and I get back to my normal fabulousness.

I'm having a course of facial electrolysis, which hurts, it also means that some hair has to be allowed to grow long enough to be pulled out. My next treatment is on Monday and I am having to allow the hair on my top lip grow, so it will look like I'm growing a moustache over the next few days, if you see me please don't ask, just pretend not to notice.

It's all in the name III

I know there has been a bit of a gap, but in conclusion, I think "Big Shinny" is a bit obvious, and not just as a name. This is my Conn International CC Orchestral Contra Bass Tuba

For many I suspect that "Baby Besson" is a lot less obvious. This is the name that has been acquired by my Besson EEb tuba, Originally made in sharp pitch by Boosey & Hawkes, but unusually they used their premium brand of the time "Besson, New Standard".  

Later it was adapted to modern pitch with the addition of some extra plumbing, I further customised her with an even more modern mouth piece receiver from a Sovereign and updated the valves to make them quieter and quicker.   Indeed I suspect that she is quite unique, certainly I enjoying playing this instrument, I like the much more focused sound I get as opposed to the darker wider sound of the modern instruments.

Yet perhaps silliest of all, is the Salamander brooch I bought for a couple of quid from the Scope Charity shop in Beckenham, the brooch is now known as "Berwick" simply because it lives on my tweed jacket.

Do I need help?

Absence Report

Hard at work, "after" photos to follow

I know it is quite a while since I have posted, but I am still alive and kicking, well mostly working actually!   Now, first I need to explain that I tend consider my work to be all those things I do that don't come under the heading of hobby, personal or home maintenance.   So although this does include some things I enjoy and don't get paid for, like some of many music performances, it does not include some things I have to do and don't enjoy, like grocery shopping.

Today I will be playing with the astounding Linden Wind Orchestra, I certainly won't be getting rich out of it, and I will be thoroughly enjoying myself; but since it is an obligation I consider it as work, much as an artist will talk of their work.   Indeed I expect this concert to be highlight of my month, all of the music is challenging and the standard of all of the musicians, and the band itself is very high.   This will be a concert when there will be no piece I can relax in, I will need to be "on the edge of my chair" concentrating hard and playing to my best the whole time.

I found that last month I performed with four different band ~ that rehearsed on Monday evenings! I have had performances, recordings, rehearsals, meetings all on top of the day the job, which last month meant over 130 chargeable hours.   With the driving in between, maintenance of vehicles and tools, and admin I have had very little time for anything other than the essentials, of food and laundry!

I know I need to do less, I know I need to give something up, the problem is that I want to do everything that I do, so how do I decide what to drop.   One thing I have decided will not drop will be this blog and all my "Blogging Buddies"

It's all in the Name II

Gloria Monday on tour in France, 2011

I had always promised myself if I ever bought a Ford Transit I would call it Gloria, so when I did, I did! My second Transit was also called Gloria, but by way of differentiation she was Gloria Tuesday.

Gloria Tuesday was not such a good van as Gloria Monday, and never really managed to gain a place in my heart. So when she gave up the ghost and I had to buy a new van I was not too sorry.   That was when Dannie came into my life.    Dannie is a much better vehicle, more powerful, better suspension, better steering, more comfortable, just a slightly smaller box on the back.

Dannie the Vito

Rocinante

As far as cars go I have had several and very few have warranted names, Jade the Singer Vogue, Minnie the Hillman Minx ( my first car) are the prime examples, but when the little Seat came into my life last year she was crying out to be named, listening to BBC Radio Four's adaptation of Graham Green's Monsignor Quixote last year it became obvious that she had to be named Rocinante!

It's all in the name

"Jade" at the Singer Centenary Rally

I am very good at giving good advice, but maybe not so good at following it, especially my own.   I have often observed that I am actually very good with money, as long as it's not my own, I am pretty much the same with restraint!

Mrs T

One of my many pieces of good advice is not to give inanimate objects names; it will only lead to an emotional attachment which then makes it more difficult to make rational decisions concerning them.   Cars, motorbikes, musical instruments can all appear to have characters which lead to them having a name, but they are still just objects.   I know when I sold my beloved Singer Vogue known as Jade it was a big emotional wrench, I still miss my tubas, "Honk" and "Mrs. T".   To me it seems foolish to voluntarily put yourself through such emotional turmoil, especially for a thing!

In which case I have to wonder why I have ended up with a Tuba known as "Big Shinny" and another call "Baby Besson", perhaps even more foolish is the car called, Roccinante, the van called "Dannie" and perhaps worst of all a brooch called "Berwick"!

Sometimes it can be really difficult

Some of you may just remember me writing about a small car accident I had back in January last year, the damage to the car was no more than superficial, (however it was written off as it was such an old banger!) and nobody was hurt, at all! The whole thing was settled very quickly and amicably, indeed what impressed me most was quick, efficient and friendly way it was all dealt with.   I replaced the car and considered the incident closed.

Now, over a year later I am getting hordes of unsolicited phone calls from "Ambulance chasers" trying to encourage me to make a further claim for personal injury.   I am refusing as there was no personal injury and just about all have left is my personal integrity.   I have had it suggested that since the car was written off it must have been a considerable impact, I have been told that I must have experienced some discomfort following the accident, I have been told that I may be unwise to not claim the "thousands of pounds owed" me.

It is never easy to resist the temptation to try and get money for nothing, and when, like me, money is in short supply it is even more tempting.   However I am holding out, I keep asking for the phone calls to stop and I will not claim for injuries I did not sustain.   Ultimately every one of us who insures a vehicle pays for this profiteering, I suspect that these sorts of fraudulent claims now represent a major proportion of the insurance premiums that we all are obliged to pay.

I'm holding out but it's not easy.

I can be really stupid

Especially when it comes to planning my time and activities.   I seem to be going through one of those periodic episodes of frantic activity, between WOW work, rehearsals meetings and recordings I am in grave danger of disappearing up my own fundamental! (C below bass stave)

My Office on Monday

I am sorry if I have missed blog posts, Facebook notifications or e-mails. I am sorry if I don't appear to be giving you the attention you deserve, I am just too busy!  I am writing this at home after ten in the morning, but I have already done two hours work and am just grapping a quick break before going off to cut grass.   In the diary having three things on in one day looks OK, but when one of them takes over 8 hours the whole edifice can come crumbling down.

And yesterday,

by the time we had finished, it was too dark for photos

Spring has definitely sprung, after a long winter I am now desperately trying to keep up with the pruning, weeding and grass cutting, I seem to have a lot of meetings planning summer events, and the Transgender Day of Visibility, and there is also a lot of music about .

Next weekend I have a couple of recording sessions, and then the weekend after that I have NO CONCERTS! The first time since the 21st/22nd of January!