Still Lingering

I have had a bit of an hiatus in service here, and between my last two posts I see that there was an eight day break. Interestingly I do still get visitors to the blog even when I don't have any nice up to date posts, indeed that is when I get some of my older posts being inspected.   Blogger gives me a bit of a breakdown and over that week my most popular post was one from quite a while back, all the way back to July 2013.    I think it must be something to do with the title of that particular post and the Google searches that some people do. That particular post can be seen here! I'm not sure that it was my finest moment, but who am I to judge!

Co-incidentally this last week or so my favorite cartoonist has been running a series on my favorite strip.   He has had my favorite character working on what would be my favorite job (in my dreams).

However this did make me think, what actually is the difference between lingerie and underwear;- I have some pants that are simply pants, but if I wear them with a matching bra they magically transform into lingerie, so is it the material? the intent? or maybe the marketing?

Certainly some brands have more allure than others, just the names Janet Reager, Agent Provocateur or Figleaves just sound so much more alluring than Marks & Spencer or Matalan. I suspect that this is definitely a case of less is more, i.e. the more you pay the less you get!

I certainly know that most women I know prefer bras that are not underwired, I am now beginning to understand why, yet whenever I go into lingerie departments the vast majority of bras are underwired, so they are not being made primarily for the comfort of the woman.   I suspect that this is a subject I will be revisiting, certainly my perspective on the such things has changed over the last few years, yet I am still very much of the opinion that life is too short for ugly underwear!

My Favorite Cartoonist Brooke McEldowney
My Favorite Strip 9 Chickweed Lane

And the title is a reference to my post of the 18th November 2012, ironically the dress I was lusting over so much at that time I would now have several opportunities to wear, but it is no longer available ~ heyho!

Knickers!

"European style" is not really a description I understand, from Britain we tend to think of Europe as the big lump of land on the other side of the Channel, but it does not really have a coherent style.   French, Italian, German, Spanish they all have style, but I would generally say pretty different styles if you then throw in us Brits then it gets even more confusing.

All this means that I have been a little puzzled to see "European Style" applied to panties.   Over at He Wears Panties all of these have been described that way yet still I don't know what it means.

A quick Google search seems to show that the only people who use this description are non European, many companies seem to use the term to describe the more decorative end of the market, one manufacturer calls their skimpiest most brazen items European, another applies it to their classier more expensive items made from the better cloth.



Of course this is all from the point of view of a Brit, but interestingly a similar search for "American Panties" comes up with almost exclusively American Apparel and American Eagle brands.   I am not aware of anyone in the UK selling American Style panties, yet we do have an enormous range of Brazilian briefs available.

And of course we should never forget French Knickers, maybe it's just that we like to associate these most intimate of garments with places we think of as exotic, after all Birmingham Bloomers doesn't quite have the same ring to it does it?

Counselling

I am wondering about asking for some form of counselling, or something.   I find my life at the moment a little bit confusing, but a not yet prepared to admit that going full time is the answer.   I understand that the GID clinic at Kings Cross (my most local) has a waiting list f around a year so I am thinking that if I get an appointment then I might have a bit more of an idea what I want by then.

I really can't tell what is me feeding the "habit" what is pink fog reaction after the departure of my wife and what is truly a self identification as female.   Others tell me that I will know, but how? sometimes I do feel like a man, sometimes I do feel like a woman, but mostly I just feel like me and mostly that me likes to wear female clothes.

Although I am feeling a insecurity in my gender, (and indeed I did have an "uncomfortable" dream last night) I have yet to have this one, though I think I would recommend for Animal Print underwear to add confidence.   I think I might also want a counsellor with a little ore insight into my situation, insight, experience and sympathy, but probably best no personal agenda.

Purge

I think most of us who are transgendered, transsexual, cross-dresser, transvestite or whatever else we might choice to call ourselves have experienced the purge.   In my experience this consists of a moment of rejection of what we do, brought on by consideration for others, pressures of society, or a moment of self awareness, whatever the cause the result is the same.

We go through all our "stuff" and throw away all our clothes, wigs, jewellery etc. etc. everything that is connected to our cross-dressing.   We are relieved, we have broken the cycle we  will just live a normal male life from now on (I assume that it is the same for female t male as well).   We will initially feel liberated, then we will manage, then we will struggle, then eventually we will give in to the inevitable and buy those cute shoes, or that pair of lacy panties.   Those of us of a "certain age" will recognise that this in itself is part of the cycle we go through.   I know I have been through it many time, too many times, before accepting that this is something I am and not something I do, That the clothes are an essential expression of who I am not the end in themselves.

Through these purges I have lost many garments and items that I now regret, of course it also means that I got rid of some unfortunate purchases that I was never going to wear in public.   Because of the sense of loss attached to a purge in my latest clear out I decided not to dispose of the rejects.   All my "boy" underwear has now been packed up in a suitcase along with my bike leathers and now reside in the attack.

Moving Paula in meant everything in the same place and properly organised, this led to the revelation of exactly how much underwear I have.   Because of the restrictions on doing laundry I think I often bought new when in normal circumstances I would simply have washed, I now find I have far, far too many pairs of panties, bras and tights.   At least it does mean I won't need to buy any for quite some time now, I shall now limit myself to replacing worn out items ~ unless of course they are really cute .

Don't forget that I still need your help and advise as to which dress to wear next Sunday.

Knickers

Doing my laundry I could see quite graphically the difference between men's and women's underwear, to fit the same size bottom the ladies' use a lot less material, but it is much more carefully cut and generally of a nicer, lighter weight nature.   Apart from any gender confusion or sexual complications I can clearly see why anyone would prefer female briefs to men's.  There are of course some "erm" containment issues with some styles, but any dedicated pantie wearer will soon learn that most thongs and many other styles simply don't work.   Boxers of course are a different question all together and I suppose it should all be about personal choice.

I understand that there are a lot of men who may well not identify as cross dressers or as trans in any way who choose to wear women's underwear.   Over the years this has been a rich source of material to comedians ranging from bar room wags to Rick Mayall, I suspect the jokes have also been a rich source of angst to the wearers and a source of the disapproval of many civilians.   Being aware of the number of men in particular who like to wear women's panties there have been several attempts to make something similar, but cut and aimed at men, somehow the results always seem to me to be somehow a little sordid (I think you can tell which are which in the pictures, which show what I mean)


I came across this article the other day and thought I would share it is it seems that many of us have an interest in this area.

I'm a good girl I am

Well it's Friday evening, I've had a bit of a funny old day, a mix of fun, work, curious conversation a bit of self satisfaction.

My schedule was to spend the day working with S we had a clearance to do first thing, then after lunch we would go and do some of our regular maintenance work.   About two hours into the working day the rain started, and then just got worse and worse, so after three hours we called it a day and "went back to the ranch".   While sitting around, having lunch and chatting we got onto the subject of bras ~ as you do ~ and underwear in general, for example why is it that in the Matalan Catalogue the only type of pants listed under lingerie are thongs or shape wear?   I have to say that it was very nice to be able to talk about these things with somebody who is not at all embarrassed, maybe even a little pleased to have someone to talk with herself.   After lunch it was still raining so we called it a day, I ran S home and then had to go to the bank to pay in some cheques, I was very tempted to go into Debenhams in Croydon to see if they had these, at that price they are a real bargain.   We found that they were on offer as S was reading through my bog and found this post.   I resisted!

Instead I went into West Wickham went to the bank, bought my new diary (I use a 14 month diary, much easier for work and music commitments) then I just had to go round the charity shops.   I bought a couple of cord work shirts, a belt bag for my mobile phone etc. a jewelry roll (could be useful) and some clip on earrings.   I resisted buying, or indeed even trying on some killer heels, the Sense shop has two pairs in my size both with heels which must be 4 inches or more, one in black with off white piping and the other silver strappy sandals!   If those sandals are still there next week I don't know if I will be able to resist, after all the party season is about to start!

My Pad?

My friend P has very kindly agreed to let me have parcels delivered to her address.   I need this as my wife does not want me having “that stuff” delivered to our home.  On my last visit to P I had another package to pick up, this was something I was a little unsure about getting, buttock pads.

I am aware that my bottom does not reflect a female profile, I have yet to find any clothes that make my bum look big, so I decided to get a little help.   I don’t want to have to wear padded panties, because it’s just too much fun choosing, buying and wearing the real thing.   So I ordered these silicon pads, a bit like chicken fillet bra fillers but longer.  The idea is that you just slip them into your panties and they improve the profile.

Well I’m not sure that they have sufficient effect, but they do certainly make a small improvement.   I have worn them twice so far, on both occasion with trousers, first time was totally uneventful.   They stayed in place and were quite comfortable.   I was also a little relieved that they were ok being sat on, after all I didn't want to spring a leak.

The second time is today, I was wearing my plain grey trouser suit and the trousers need a little filling in that area.   At first I forgot them, and then returned to slip then in.   After I parked up and got out of the van and started walking down the High Street, I was very quickly very glad that I was wearing trousers, as I could feel one of the pads shifting position.   I was then quite rapidly very thankful that I was wearing tights as well under my trousers as I could feel one pad working it’s way slowly down my leg inside my tights.   I now had one pad nestling snugly against my left buttock as required, and one loosely lolling around inside my tights behind my right calf.   I was in desperate need of somewhere private where I could remove my trousers and tights so as to reposition the pad, so I made my way into nearest clothes shop with a changing room, this just happened to be Oxfam.

Needing a reason to go into the changing room and spending some time while in there I first had a look on the racks of clothes.   There was a nice lightweight grey check dress from Gap, but since it was a size 14 I thought there would be no pint in even trying it as it would be far too small, however there was nothing else that was of even any passing interest so I took the dress into the changing room, sorted out my pads and tried the dress on ~ as much out of politeness as anything else.   WOW not only does it fit, but it looks pretty good as well. 

So my plan for the morning was to pop out and sit in a coffee shop and do some work on the lap top, enjoying a change of scenery and watching the rain from a different vantage point.   As well as the coffee I end up with a new pair of shoes and a new dress ~ so much for self-control.

Laundry

One of the difficulties of y situation is doing the laundry, since my wife disapproves of Paula and my daughter simply does not know I am just not in a position to keep my washing up to date.   While on the one hand this gives me the excuse to own more "smalls" than I should really ever need it also means that there will always be something I want to wear that is not clean.   My normal practise is to wait for a rainy day when I will be at home and the rest of the family at work or school, and then do a load of washing.   However we are currently in the middle of a drought so it is some time since I have been able to get any washing done.

One option not available

There is also then the problem of garment care and appropriate drying, much of my stuff should not go into the tumble dryer, but I certainly can't hang them out to dry in the garden.   There would be too many explanations needed if anyone not in the know was to see a line of tights, stockings and pretty panties hanging out dry that are obviously not my daughters of wife's.   All that is of course before I start to think about my blouses, skirts and dresses.

Just another of those difficult to reconcile needs, on the old how to balance family and self when the interests don't match.

Knickers to Panties

There was a post on a forum I'm a member of the other day where the member related a story which involved a stranger asking if he (he was in drab) was wearing panties.   It later became clear that she actually referred to women's pants or something like that.   My question is why is that on every CD or TV website I see (and I will confess to that being quite a few) female nether undergarments are always called panties, but everywhere else pants, knickers, slips, briefs, indeed pretty much anything except panties.

Maybe this is a transatlantic thing, but I suspect that pants is a gender neutral term, and that pantie is quite specifically feminine.   After all what man would wear something like these Janet Reger Red and black floral print satin brazilian briefs.

Given half a chance that is...........................................

Wardrobe Update

I have now had a bit of a chance to assess what got turned out from my wardrobe.   I haven't had a look in the bag currently lurking in my garage, but I have had a look through my draws (that is draws, not drawers) and go through the hanging space in my wardrobe.     The knicker draw that I referred to in an earlier post had my panties, bras tights and stockings in, they have all gone.   In my sock draw I have found a couple of pairs of knee highs (or trouser socks) in other draws a couple of skirts my roll necks and a pair of culottes escaped exile, curiously I seem to have retained a couple of pairs of plain cotton panties, while my men's silk briefs aren't there.

In the hanging section all the dresses and slips have gone, but my denim jacket, jeans, a formal jacket, a couple of pairs of trousers and a couple of skirts that were on the same hanger as my denim jacket all survived.   I should say that as far as I can tell at the moment everything has survived, just been put into exile.   The sword that I thought had fallen on my head remains suspended by a thread, but still suspended.

Next job is to find a better way to look after my wardrobe, out of the way but accessible, for the sake of domestic harmony I think I need to be more circumspect about  cross dressing activities; I also think that however reluctant my wife maybe about this we do need to talk, she is not good at talking, at any rate discussing, so I may have to force the issue, maybe even suggesting going to a councillor.

This all sounds a bit heavy, but I am so relieved that it is not as bad as I at first thought that I shall reward you all (and myself) with a picture!   This was taken back in June, I'm not sure if I have published it before, by the way the skirt and jumper I'm wearing were both still in my draws.

Naughty Knickers

Further to my post on lingerie the other day, a quick inventory tells me that I have far too many knickers of an inappropriate nature.   Of course some would say that having any at all is inappropriate, but I think we have already passed that stage on this blog, no what I have in mind are the type of underwear that is designed to be taken off, or pushed to one side, rather than to be worn on a trip to Tesco.   Bridget Jones had the conundrum of comfort verses appearance on the underwear front when dating, I am thinking more in terms of comfort and practicality against fantasy.

Yes there are some items in my knicker draw than could only make an appearance in a male fantasy, and then they would not be worn by somebody looking like me.   I must have bought these with some strange ideas in mind, in my heart I know that this is not what any sane normal woman wears, these are items sold to men to give to women in the hope of satisfying some fantasies.   The women then get fed up with the useless uncomfortable things (the panties not the men - although......) which they will never wear given a choice.

Inappropriate "Boy Shorts"

So, I am going to have a cull, lets face it no lady past a certain age should wear a thong, since I am past a certain age they will have to go.   So called "boy shorts" are simply not practical for boys, the cut of this style, while very alluring on the right young ladies, just does not have the correct capacity to contain a gurl like me, so they can go as well.

This does not mean that I am going to limit myself to big pants and really, really boring underwear, I can still keep my matching animal print panties and bra set, it's OK to have stockings and suspenders, satin and lace is fine, fun is allowed, all I am going to exclude are the same items that any lady my age would.   If what I am doing is about getting in touch with my feminine side, expressing my female nature through presenting in a female manner, if what I am doing is not about sex, then there can be no place in my wardrobe, my knicker drawer or indeed anywhere else for items that verge on the margins of fetish.

Now edited for spelling and grammar

Busy weekend and a close shave

Where I can I like to prepare these posts a bit in advance; I am typing this on Monday morning.   I have a back ache so I can't get on with any outdoor work, but fortunately I do have some paperwork to catch up on, so I am still gainfully employed, I think I shall have to avoid any heavy work again tomorrow (Tuesday) but hope to be back at work by Wednesday.

The dinner we played for was on Saturday night yesterday (Sunday) I had to play with another band at a festival.  

Most of us travelled up together and go changed at the venue.   Without really thinking about it I put on what has become my usual casual dress recently.   This means panties tights, ladies jeans, a soft cotton pattered shirt ad ladies denim jacket.   I packed my lunch and a change of clothes, a black shirt black shoes and the trousers I had worn on Saturday.   It was only when it came time to get changed that I realised that my toe nails were crimson and I was wear sheer black tights - woops.   I realised that I might be better of using the Gents to get changed than staying in the communal changing room, I gathered up my trousers and shirt and made for the Gents.   When I got there there were a fair few people in there, rather than appear unusually shy I decided to rinse my  hands and face for a while, as the room cleared,   As I finished changing my shirt exposing my extremely hairless chest the room had cleared so I decided on a quick change I had just managed to get my jeans off (they are quite a snug fit) when our band secretary walked in, there I was showing that I was wear panties (not too pretty but undeniably panties) and tights, a second glance would also have noticed my Crimson toe nails as I had to take off my shoes to get my jeans off.   He just said "Don't worry it's only me" as he walked in chatting away straight past me and carried on with what he had come in to do.

I quickly got my trousers and shoes on and made my exit, no comment was made, and I firmly believe that had he noticed some comment at least would have been passed.   I find it hard to believe that someone I have known for nearly 40 years walked straight past me in those circumstances and didn't notice anything, but that is exactly what appears to have happened.

After that performing was a breeze, oh yes and my band got a Gold award, we are waiting to hear if we will be playing at the finals, which this year are being held at the Royal Academy of Music in London

New Boots and Panties

Well as you may gather it was quite a weekend, starting with the Croydon Trans group meeting on Saturday night, then quite an extended bit of Paula time on Monday.   I was more or less dressed under my drab when I left my mother's house in Cardiff, so it was only a matter of moments to put on my make up and wig, and get underway as Paula.   I only stopped once in Cardiff for some fuel, and then again at some services.   I think I just got the timing very wrong, there was a long queue for the ladies, and that would definetely have taken me outside of my comfort zone, although I suppose it would have enhanced the real experiece of being a  woman.

I have already posted about my hair do at Sunbury, and mentioned going shopping in Kingston. what I didn't mention were my purchases, I bought a pair of bronze killer heels, and I popped intop BHS and bought the bra and pantie set I wrote about http://paula-paulasplace.blogspot.com/2011/09/animal-prints.html I have not had an opportunity to wear them yet, but am looking forward to trying them out.

Terrible Fashion

No I don't mean that I find fashion terrible, more that there is a growing fashion in my neck of the woods that I find, well awful, maybe even a wee bit disgusting.   What are the offending items - well primarily leggings.

Not just leggings in general, I think leggings can be quite nice, especially if worn under a flouncy frock or with a nice tunic top, indeed I do have some myself, as you can see on the left, and I rather like the look; a nice way of being casual without resorting to jeans and remaining very feminine.   What I am objecting to is a sight I have seen too often over the last couple of weeks. 

The first time I thought that I had just spotted a girl with a serious wardrobe malfunction, but after the fifth or sixth time I think it might be a trend.   Leggings worn with a top that only reaches to the waist so that the shape of the bottom is clearly visible is a bit tacky, combined with flat or no heel shoes I do not like, but the really nasty bit is when the leggings are so thin that the girls pants are clearly visible through the material.   It just looks as though the girl is wearing tights and has forgotten to put on her skirt.

My daughter assures me that the fault lies with Primark, in their efforts to keep prices lower than ever they are now marketing leggings that are actually thinner and more see through than a lot of tights.   There are situations where I might quite enjoy seeing a girl in her underwear, but not walking down Sidcup High Street at ten in the morning!

Three questions come to mind

1. Do these people have mirrors?
2. What are their parents doing letting them go out dressed like that? (they have all bee teenage girls so far)
3. How cheap and nasty does something have to be before no one will buy it?

So if any of you have these nasty cheap leggings please please get rid of them now, or at very least make sure that your knickers don't show, it's just not nice.