Polymath or dilettante

I have often observed that no one of us is just one thing, indeed in the strap line to this blog I claim to be the "World's leading bass trombone and tuba playing transgender Christian gardener." Although no one has ever challenged me on that claim even that is not everything I am. The idea of that line is to underline that my identity is not simply "Trans Woman" I, like everybody else, am many things, and my identity is different in different environments.

Voluntary Work!?

Like many people the last few years have taken a toll on me, they have also given me the opportunity to reflect on what I want out of life and and how I want to fill my time. I have been finding my gardening work physically increasingly arduous, indeed I have finally come to accept that it is time for me to slow down a bit and spend more time on other things, like music and my voluntary work. I was shocked the other day when I was explaining this to one of my customers, basically telling her I was retiring to give me more time making music when she was surprised to find that I'm a musician! I always thought that this was something that permeated my very essence and like my faith showed in everything I do; ~ clearly I was wrong, to her I was "just" the gardener.

Just the Tuba Player

In other environments I may be "just" the tuba player or the even the conductor, but I like to think that in everything I do I bring everything I am. It is easy to classify myself as a "Jack of all Trades but master on none", indeed I have often wondered if had devoted myself to just one discipline would I have been better a "Success"? Would I have played more first team rugby? Played in better orchestras? presented Gardener's World? But these things are only one interpretation of success. Just like money, celebrity is, I believe, a flawed measure of success. Darwin had the idea that success meant simply to pass on ones genes, again I feel that this an over simplified and flawed measure of success. Yet I don't know what would be a better measurement ~ contentment, self expression, an artistic legacy? Given that I have now started composing as well, I think I can now say that I have achieved all of these ~ don't get me wrong there is still more I want to do, and a little more money wouldn't go amiss either.

These days when I look forward I'm not thinking about what job I want to have, I'm not planning my family, now I'm thinking about what I really want to do with my remaining time, and how am I going to do it. I'm looking forward to having more time, to maybe getting a publisher for my music, I'm looking to do a bit more comedy, not for the fame or fortune, but because it's a challenge and when it works great fun. Next year I'm going to be doing some motorsport (watch this space!) and I'm thinking that maybe I could manage one more home move ~ to maybe have my own garden again.

Maybe if I had devoted myself to just the one thing I might have made more money, enjoyed more celebrity, but I don't think I would have ended up as a sufficiently rounded person, and dare I say it as everything I do informs everything I do, maybe I wouldn't be such a good musician (possibly a better instrumentalist) certainly not as nice a person!

I need a Dragon!

Ripple, "Helping" with the Blog

One of the things I have found since moving into my flat is the lack of companionship, not so much human companionship as the non-human.   We used to have cats, and then fish as well, when the cats left home the fish stayed, but in my new flat I just don't have space.   With plants on all the windowsill, books on the shelves, and tubas on the floor there is no room for an aquarium.   It may sound strange but I used to say "hello" and "goodnight" to them, watch them while I ate, or sometimes just sit and look.   Realistically I know I don't have the space, indeed ideally I would like to get rid of a couple of pieces of furniture, so any additions are definitely not on the cards.

A friend of mine keeps guinea pigs, another has hamsters, I even had a friend who kept ferrets, I don't think I'll be trying any of them.

Indeed I shall just have to get used to being on my own, with my plants and my clutter, that may be just as well since I am far from being the tidiest of people.   I do have a few stuffed animals, and I do have a few ornamental ones _ Ebony elephants, and china dragons, there may even be the odd dinosaur, but seeing todays Wizard of Id I thought I could do with a dragon like that!

I don't know

I suspect that one of my most used words is "busy", today I should be busy working, the gardens of a couple of my favorite ladies should be receiving my attentions today, but the weather is against me.   Before anyone starts to complain that I'm a fair weather gardener ~ damn right I am! Mowers don't cut wet grass well, working wet soil causes structural damage, and wet backs are very bad for me as well.   Instead I am getting on with a project I started at the weekend, I'm redecorating the hall of my flat.

It is a very small flat, with a very small hall, but it does have four doorways and a three cupboards so lots of woodwork.   The cupboards I have painted it match the walls, so that was nice and simple, but the door frames had about sixty years worth of gloss paint on them. Layer upon layer of paint, so much the moldings have become blurred and what should have been nice sharp angles rounded.   They were so bad that I decided to strip all the paint and start again, maybe even leaving them as bare wood if they are good enough.   This is another of those "seemed like a good idea at the time" projects. I started off with a chemical stripper, but that smelt horrible and had little effect on the layers of paint.   I now have an electric paint stripper, basically a heat gun, but that sets off all my smoke alarms.   So today I am burning off paint with all my smoke alarms disconnected ~ Health and Safety?

I have no idea just how many layers of paint there are, but it must be at least a couple of mm thick.  The top layers come off quite easily, but the earlier ones are putting up a valiant fight, so far I have put in over half a day, and not even finished half a frame, and now I've started I've got to finish.

I just don't know why I started!

Feeling frustrated!

This week has been interesting, Monday had been the day I was expecting to return to work, but my appointment was cancelled, and it poured with rain for a good proportion of the day. Tuesday the weather wasn't bad but I could do little as I had a treatment appointment in the middle of the day, then yesterday YAH! I managed a full day's work, pruning a very over grown lilac that I have been dying to get to grips with for a good couple of years.    Now today I am waiting at home for the men from EON to come and change my electricity meter.

When I moved in over a year ago first of all it was difficult to find out who my electricity supplier was, then I found that it was impossible to get my prepay meter changed until I had been a customer for over six months, well after six months I was very busy and only got round to organising a change in November.   I made my phone call and got a appointment on the 6th December, great I would be sorted out before Christmas!   The week before the appointment I had phone call from EON postponing the appointment, till the 19th December, well it was inconvenient but I could rearrange things to fit the new date of the 19th December and I would still be sorted before Christmas.

Well that just shows what misplaced confidence does!   After four phone calls from the "engineer" asking for directions, clearly unable to follow simple instructions or use a Satnav.   When he did eventually get here he took one look at the installation and told me that he couldn't do it as some steps were needed and he was not allowed to do that without another trained member of staff there with him.   A new appointment was made for today.   An appointment for between 8:00 and 13:00.

As I type this at 12:52 no "engineer" has arrived, but I did get a phone call from one to tell me that when he looked at his job sheet he saw that a ladder was needed so he couldn't do the job!   I am now awaiting a call from EON to tell me what they intend doing now.   Frustrated suddenly seems an inadequate word!

A moving little story

The more observant of you may have noticed that I have found a new photo venue.   One of the photos in my last post was indeed in my new flat.

This means that I am finally organised enough that I have a space not occupied by boxes and random items that are still looking for a home.   Indeed there are whole rooms that are almost organised!

When I first moved in I just couldn't see how I was going to fit, where I would put my stuff and how the space could be made to work for me.   I have painted the shower room, pending complete refurbishment,

I have put some shelves up and organised cupboards, I have given some stuff away and acquired other stuff. I have got rid of nasty old blinds and put up curtains.  The place now feels like home, but there is still a lot to do.