Advent Calendar XXIV

 

It's Christmas eve, in many places I know this is in many ways the bigger day than Christmas day itself. The Germanic ideal of Christmas says that there should be snow, a log fire, a tree and lots of warming treats. Here in Malta we have none of those, as Pooh might have said here it is a blustery day!

It has been far too windy to follow our original plan and visit the old capital of Mdina, it is built on the highest point of the Island, and I fear we might have been blown away.

Being Christmas Eve we wanted to do more than sit in the hotel lobby playing Uno, so we braved the elements and had an excursion into Valletta. A visit to St. John's co-cathedral never disappoints and it was wonderful to be able to introduce somebody who'd never been here before to this baroque masterpiece. As you walk in through the rather austere entrance the sheer shock and awe of the interior hits you. 

I know of nowhere else that treads the boundary between magnificence and gaudy quite so delicately. I don't think there is a single surface that is not decorated, gold leaf is everywhere, polished marble abounds, paintings and sculptures are everywhere. Of course the major art work that brings people is the Caravaggio "Beheading of St. John the Baptist" but there is so much more that is magnificent, I often feel that the "Baptism of Christ" by Melchiorre Cafa is under rated, and maybe if it were anywhere else might get more attention. The only thing missing is stained glass. The only windows are small and set high, a reminder that this was also built as a defensive position.

As Christmas eve draws towards it's close it means tomorrow is Christmas, it also means that my Advent calendar only has one more post to go, it has been fun writing every day, it has of course also been a challenge, but I hope it has been worth it.

Paris!

The outside of the Church

My last post left you all a little bit up in the air, for the really perspicacious of you yes I was in Paris. The Church we played in on the Friday was Saint-Etienne-du-Mont a church with a fascinating history dating back to the 6th Century, the current building is largely Gothic with large windows and flying buttresses, but as I was only there after dark it was the interior stone work that I really appreciated. As I was only involved in one piece in the concert I had plenty of time to appreciate the setting as well as the music ~ I also had plenty of time to get freezing cold! Not quite what I had in mind for a trip to Paris in the Springtime!

The interior of St Etienne as I never saw it ~ in daylight!

Right next to the Pantheon and close by the Sorbonne the setting is a notable as the Church itself, and right in the cultural heart of the city. Despite being so close to such big tourist draws we still managed to find some good traditional French food for our pre concert dinner, and then afterwards adjourned to a local bar, where we enjoyed some of the local  beverage!

Notra Dame du Liban with
the Paris Rainbow Symphony Orchestra

For our Saturday concert we moved venue to Notre Dame du Liban, built in the 19th Century it was a lot more comfortable and certainly less cold. Still in Gothic revival even though less spectacular much more accommodating! A large and imposing interior with a strangely unassuming entrance, we could have easily walked past without noticing. 

A bit like my own London Gay Symphony Orchestra one thing that is really noticeable about the Rainbow Symphony is that the average age is quite young ~ especially for an amateur orchestra. These days I've got to an age where I don't want to be part of a group where I don't raise the average age! From preference I certainly want to spend more time with people younger than me than with others around my own age, so this helped make the week a lot of fun.

There are still plenty of things I want to see and do in Paris, I do have a bit of a thing for ecclesiastical architecture, so I would still like to visit Saint-Denis and Sainte-Chapellle. Notra Dame is still shut after the 2019 fire ~ I have been there but would love to go back now I'm older. But the great thing about this visit wasn't being a tourist and visiting the historic sites, it was about sharing the joy of making music, making new friends and renewing some old friendships.

The delightful Mathilde and Corinne
A tuba section I'm not pretty enough to get in! 

Am I a mistake?

 An anonymous reader asks:- There are some people who will claim 'God does not make mistakes'. Given that you are what you are how do you address this type of abuse? 

Well this is quite a simple question, but inevitably the answer isn't quite so straight forward. First off I would say that this isn't necessarily abuse as much as misunderstanding, misunderstanding theology as much as it is misunderstanding what it means to be trans. As a Christian there are certain tenants of faith that I share with all other Christians, indeed a while back I wrote quite a lot about  those shared beliefs here. One of those shared beliefs is about the nature of God, what I might call "the three omnis". God is Omnipotent, Omniscient, and Omnipresent; all powerful, all knowing, and everywhere all the time. Therefore God can create us however they choose, they know what they have done and how we are made, and they are with us all the time, sharing our experience, our pains and our pleasures. Or to put it more simply God doesn't make mistakes ~ I think that is something that every person of faith would agree on, certainly among the Abrahamic faiths.

So, as the question asks how do I respond to this as a transgender Christian? Well, this leads me in two directions; lets start with the theological concept of original sin, that sin causing a fallen world where stuff just happens! The World we live in is not the World God originally intended for us, Genesis tells us of creation, the Garden of Eden, of how Adam was placed in the Garden to care for it (hence my claim to being a member of the oldest profession!) and gave Eve to be his companion. It also tells of how Adam and Eve disobeyed God and in consequence were excluded from the Garden and sin entered the World ~ since then bad things have happened because of our sin. This is an explanation of why we have wars, why people are born with disabilities, why there is disease, natural disasters and nasty people!

The Temptation of Eve by Elbert Weinberg,
a re-interpretation of the biblical story
 in which a serpent tempts Eve to
 eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge.
In this work, Weinberg re-imagines
 the snake as a hybrid form
with the body of a tree and a human
 face. Eve gives herself away
 to the temptation as she leans
 on the snake figure, almost melting into its form. 

The normal explanation is simplified into "We live in a fallen World" ~ fallen from grace and therefore outside of God's plan, I have never come across a Christian asking somebody with a congenital disability why they think God made a mistake? they simply accept that we live in a fallen World, I could use the same explanation for the existence of Transgender people. The misunderstanding is that being transgender is a choice rather than a congenital condition. We are not a mistake, but a consequence of sin, not our sin but the existence of sin which has marred creation and taken us out of God's plan. For me there are two problems with this idea, the theological one that it rather denies God's active intervention in our lives, that if God is omnipotent then They choose to allow pain, war, flood and famine etc. yet we also believe that God is good, that God is love so how can we reconcile these? I haven't been able to fully accept the idea of original sin ~ I generally just go with the "Shit Happens" school of thought.

However, having said all that, it's not actually my answer, the question is often phrased as "why do you think God made a mistake?" to that question my answer is "Why do you assume I think that?" I don't think God made a mistake, and I don't think that I am a mistake. I don't know why I am transgender, either medically or theologically, I simply know that I am. I also firmly believe that my transition is an answer to prayer, my own and other people's. It's a good few years ago now, but I remember coming home from church one Sunday, after I had suffered further rejection, going out into the garden, sitting down with a glass of wine, to be honest I was trying to decide just exactly how I was going to kill myself when the words of the old rhyme came to mind 

Nobody loves me
Everybody hates me
I'm going down the garden to eat worms

Urgh

At that point I heard God clearly say to me "I LOVE YOU" I instantly knew that I had to transition and that God was going to be walking at my side and supporting me throughout this journey. Do I think God made a mistake? No.

I don't know if God made me trans, or if it just happened, I don't know whether it's part of a master plan, or whether we're just playing the hand we've been dealt. I do know that God has been with me, and I do know that God has made positive use of me as a Transgender woman ~ I know that God loves me and does not think I am a mistake.

I have just reread the page here headed Christianity and Cross Dressing, I have changed in many ways since I wrote it in 2011, but in light of what I have just written here on the whole I think it still works.

Advent Calendar XXIV

We have reached Christmas Eve and it suddenly feels as though it has come upon me all too quickly even though by doing this Advent calendar I should be prepared. We have yet to decide whether to attend midnight Mass locally or watch it on the BBC from Croydon Minster, one of my own local Churches.

Malta is a primarily Roman Catholic country, and of course that is reflected in the churches, some of them do have regular services in English, but apparently not midnight Mass. We may choose to go to an English service in the morning and watch from the apartment tonight.

Yesterday I showed photos of the nativity scene from Valletta, after visiting there we went to Lija, where the tradition of living cribs started with their Presepju Haj.

A representation of a whole village is constructed, and then peopled with local volunteer actors as tradespeople, blacksmiths, millers, carpenters etc. Some livestock adds even more colour and reality. At the center, or culmination of your visit you come across the Holy.
Family.

I felt that this was rather moving, and got across the nativity situation so much better than most of our model, rather glamourised crib scenes.

I didn't take any photos myself as it felt intrusive and as they are all volunteers I'm not sure the actors would have wanted me to, so these are stock photos. 

Advent Calendar XXIII

Here in Malta Christmas is still very much a Christian festival, of course as I showed yesterday there are all the lights and decorations. Even in the middle of the Mediterranean we have lots of stalls selling mulled wine and ginger bread, but we are also offered more traditional Maltese celebratory dishes, timpana, imqarets etc.

There is also a reminder of what we are celebrating, it us not just the churches that display a crib scene but all of the towns and villages, and most homes will have a crib next to their Christmas tree. These photos are of the main on in the capital city Valletta. It is in the main square near the prime ministers residence, the Opera House, and the Foreign Office. 

It has to be said

I haven't been going to Church as much as I would like to recently. Between trips to Norfolk to my friend's boat, Sunday morning rehearsals, Sunday afternoon concerts and late Saturday nights it feels like a while since I have been. Of course today is the most important day of the Christian calendar so I made a special effort, I got up in plenty of time had my shower and a decent breakfast before setting off on the short walk up the road for the eleven O'clock service. Only to get there and find that they had a ten O'clock service today! By then it was too late for any of my other local churches who all have services at 10:30 or 10:00.

I understand that many of my trans brothers and sisters find it very difficult to find a Church where they are accepted, I rejoice to say that this has not been a problem for me. Since being rejected by the Church I was formally very involved in I have been accepted by every Church I have been to. Accepted but not always comfortable. Since moving I have been committed to the idea that I should worship in the community in which I live, and further that the congregation should look like my neighbours. 

Recently I have been attending a local Church which seemed to fit the bill, yet...…. As a musician I have a couple of issues with the worship, the prime one is that the PA is all too often turned up far too loud ~ bearing in mind that I play both the electric bass and the bass trombone I am clearly not one to flinch from a few decibels. The problem is two fold,

1. When the volume is too high it turns the worship leader into a performer, the congregation becomes an audience and individual members become reluctant to join in and sing, instead of communal worship we get a performance ~ and few worship leaders are technically good enough to be performers!
2. The PA is simply not powerful enough. As a general principle even if the amp does go up  to eleven it is rarely a good idea to take it above 5! In simple terms the combination of small speakers, amplifier turned up to eleven and amateur operators leads to feedback and distortion. I for one find this uncomfortable at best, much of the time painful! It is certainly enough to distract me from my own worship, and that is the opposite of the purpose, worship leading should be just that, leading the congregation into worship.

This may seem trivial but it is enough to make me uncomfortable and distract me, where I have been able to I have often attended the earlier morning service simply to avoid the PA! At various times I have emailed this Church and failed to receive a reply, on another occasion I dropped in a completed card asking about membership ~ I have received replies to none. They claim they want to be a radical expression of faith in the community, yet they fail to communicate, there was nothing on the website about the change in service times. I feel strongly that what ever we offer to God, whether it be worship, service or physical offering it should be the best we have, and I'm sorry to say that this Church is falling short.

It greaves me as the preaching is good, there are some good people there, and I initially felt welcomed, now I'm not so sure that I am really wanted, or indeed that they can walk the walk as well as they talk the talk.

The other Church I attended when I first moved here was again welcoming, but I never quite felt comfortable there, and some of the singing from the leaders was so poor it again distracted me from my own worship ~ I wonder should I maybe give them another chance. 

After all no man (or woman) is an island, I need the support, fellowship and communal worship that can only come from being part of a Church.   I will be honest, I also miss being part of a PA team, a worship band, and respected as a theologian. I worry how much of this is about me and my ego as much as the expression of being Church.

I miss it

I know I must sometimes sound like a cracked record, going on and on about how busy I am, while all that busyness is my own fault because I simply can't say no.   Well at least I can't say no to something fun, exciting, or important, and of course when something is all three of those then why would I want to.

A while back I was asked to take part in a event happening a couple of weeks ago we were going to put together the first ever all women's brass band for "Processions". For those of you not living in the UK Processions was a major participant art work marking the centenary of women first getting a vote here. It involved thousands of women processing through the four capitals of the UK; Edinburgh, Belfast, Cardiff, and London, carrying embroidered banners, and with lilac, white and green scarves they formed a giant suffragette banner through the city centers.

In London we formed a Brass Band to play in Parliament Square as the women's Procession arrived, we only played music by women composers and of course all the musicians were women. I think there were about 70 of us in all, all ages experiences and abilities, we had a total blast (pun intended) and all agreed that we want to do it again. I think we had about seventeen trombones and three tubas, I would have loved to play tuba but was the only Bass Trombone so once again I ended up as a bit of a Tigger!

Of course there is always a down side, and with a rehearsal one Sunday morning and the event the following Sunday that meant two Sundays when I missed Church, then this week I was playing at a service at another Church so it is now three weeks since I last managed to get to my local Church ~ and I miss it. Now that I have found a loving community who appear to be accepting, worship in an idiom I understand and have solid preaching I don't want to get separated from them.   This Sunday is the LGSO concert where I will need to be in Town for an afternoon rehearsal, but at least I should be able to get to Church in the morning!

Photo credit Sam Benjafield Photography

Fresh Starts

It's been a busy old weekend, already and it's only just lunch time on Sunday!  Yesterday afternoon I went up to town for a meeting held at Bloomsbury Baptist Church by Two:23 ~ A Christian LGBT+ Network, it was quite inspiring and very informative. This is a group who as well as ministering to LGBT+ Christians, is working to make the wider Church more inclusive and bridge the divide that sometimes appears between the Church and some peoples identities.

One of the notices was about Christian at Pride they will be walking at Pride in London again this year, I rather hope that I will be able to persuade at least a few of them to join us at our own Croydon Pride Fest I really want us to represent the fullest diversity of our community.

I am inspired by the work this group does, even as I long for it not to be needed, but one of the best bits was meeting a friend from my Orchestra there, he was on his first visit and was glad of a friendly face. It is quite intimidating to go to any group for the first time, I know, I have been doing that quite a lot in my own search for a Church.

I'm hoping that search may now be over, I'm not sure I'm quite ready to make that level of commitment yet and join, but this morning I visited West Croydon Baptist Church again.   If anything I felt even more welcomed and included than I did last week. As a life long Anglican (even if for a large part of that life I had no real faith) it feels very strange to be going to a Baptist Church, but that may be where God is taking me now, He has often forced me out of my comfort zone, indeed that is when He has worked most in my life!

I feel a new chapter in my Christian walk, and therefore my life, is just beginning, I don't know what that will bring, but I do know it won't be boring!

Still looking

After what feels like a very busy week, but in fact only included three full days of work, last night I slept for about twelve hours. I would love to say that this morning I have woken up feeling refreshed and reinvigorated, I would like to!

A local landmark

Last Sunday I visited my local Methodist Church, they are a very friendly community, with a strong Bible centered faith, and exuberant worship. I did not feel entirely comfortable with some of the worship and I didn't feel that the church communality truly reflected the diversity of the local population ~ still it was nice to be in a different minority for once! More to the point I did not get that feeling that this was the faith community I should be joining. Maybe I am asking too much, but the last two Churches I joined and for the Church my Mother joined in Cardiff I did have that feeling of coming home, that I (or my Mother) were in the place God wanted us to be.

Today I intend to join with West Croydon Baptist Church for their morning worship. This should be an interesting experience as they occupy something of a landmark building, which I have known as long as I can remember as "Spurgeon's Tabernacle". I had always assumed that like Spurgeon's College (where I used to deliver the newspapers) the eponymous Charity and the South London Metropolitan Tabernacle this Church was founded by the famous local preacher Charles Spurgeon, however the other day it was suggested to me that this particular Church was founded by one of his sons.

While all very interesting ,much more interesting will be to see what sort of a Church it is and what sort of people make it up. I have looked at their website and am quite hopeful. I really do feel that I should be able to worship in the community in which I am placed, and that means being able to walk to Church in the morning.

Interestingly for the many people who I come across who will question how I reconcile being trans and a Christian, who wonder how any Church will accept me, my gender identity has not been an issue at any of the Churches I have visited so far. I do not flatter myself that this is because I totally pass I believe it is because the vast majority of Christians are accepting, even those who cannot bring themselves to be affirming.

Happy Easter

After spending yesterday being visible today I will be celebrating Easter, this is not just another holiday, a chance to get drunk as there's no work tomorrow, this is something really worth celebrating for Christians today is the day when we particularly remember and celebrate the resurrection of Jesus.  Although it was through the death of Jesus on Good Friday that we are forgiven it is through His resurrection of Easter Sunday that we know the sentence is served, it is through His resurrection that we are reconciled to God, that we are allowed into His presence, that we know we are adopted heirs, that we can call Him "Father"

I will be starting my celebrations at West Croydon Methodist Church, after far too long I am still to settle in any one local Church, this is one I have not visited since moving, maybe this will be the one, I pray that God will guide me to the congregation that he wants me to serve, and be served by.

It will be after church that I will be breaking my fast with a friend.

I Believe; week five

This was of course written for general Church consumption, but this can be a difficult area for many LGBT+ people as we so often find ourselves rejected and ostracised by churches. I hope I make the point that this is not about any individual Church, definitely not about a particular denomination, but about the body of believers

5     I believe in the holy catholic church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins.

A lot of protestants over the years have struggled with this bit, thinking that this was a reference to the Catholic Church, the Roman Catholic Church and the veneration of Saints, I have very carefully not used capital letters to emphasise that this is the all-inclusive body of believers referred to in Revelations.   So often John’s symbolism shows us that salvation is inclusive, that it is available to everyone who accepts Jesus as Saviour, we should consider ourselves all part of the same family of God, His church.

The church is portrayed as the wife of Christ, to be united in perfect harmony with him at the second coming, that is Christ will bring all believers (the Saints) to himself, in a closer and more intimate way than we can imagine.

Some people believe that Saints are special super spiritual Christians, those who have been used by God for remarkable acts of faith, and through whom He has worked miracles.   It is out of this belief that some Christians will venerate Saints, seeking an intermediary between themselves and God.    The Saints are in communion with God as they are already in Heaven.

Yet when Jesus was crucified the Temple curtain was split down the middle signifying that God (through Jesus’ sacrifice to serve the sentence for our sin), had now made himself accessible to all who acknowledge Jesus, further John refers often to believers as Saints in Revelation, the saints are the individual believers who collectively make up the church, the saints are in communion with each other through their shared faith, and in communion with the father and the Son through the Holy Spirit.

When his disciples asked Jesus to teach them how to pray one thing he encouraged them to ask to be forgiven, and for help in forgiving “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us”  Not only should we accept the gift of forgiveness won by Jesus on the cross but in turn we need to practise forgiveness.   The whole point of Jesus self-sacrifice was that he should pay the price for our sin, therefore allowing us to be forgiven paying the penalty.   Once we have been forgiven for God it is as though we had never sinned.

God is without sin and totally Holy, so much so that we cannot approach Him in our sinful state, therefore it was essential if we are to be in continuous relationship with God that a solution be found to the problem of sin.   God knew that there was nothing we could do so He had to act.   The price for sin is death, that is not death in this world but eternal death, separation from God for eternity.   If we were to be reconciled to God that price had to be paid and God choose to pay the price through Jesus.   It is only through Jesus sacrifice that we are forgiven our sins and reconciled with God.   It is through His forgiveness that we can approach the throne, that our prayers can be heard, and that we can receive the Holy Spirit.

There's always one!

This is shaping up to be a very busy few days, giving that I was not expecting to be rehearsing with the WOW Orchestra today, or playing tomorrow, I was quite happy to commit myself to stuff yesterday and Monday, Now that doesn't look quite so wise.

Yesterday afternoon was a friend's funeral, these things are never fun, but as a Christian for me they tend to be more of a celebration of a life rather than morning the loss.    My friend had a strong faith and I know he was ready, so although we will all miss him, we morn for our loss, not for his death. ~ Anyway that is not what I want to write about here and now, the thing that made it "interesting" is that it was at the Church I used to attend, led by the Minister who excludes me from activities there.   I try not to go there, there are so many memories, and so much hurt.  So I haven't been in that building for roughly a year, indeed not since this friend's wife's funeral last March.

Of course I met a lot of old friends, many people I have more or less lost contact with who were once a big part of my life, others who have made the effort to stay in touch, and offer me help, support and love through my transition.  My old vicar was there, I think I may have slightly confused him, but we had a good chat, I talked him through where I am and what's going on, after that we parted again on very good terms, knowing we had each others blessing.   The current Vicar, who has been less than inclusive, made a point of being friendly, indeed it was day when my friend and god should be the centers of attention not me, a day for remembering and sharing love. I had intended leaving straight after the ceremony, but as I was engaged in conversation I did stay fro a cup of tea and a sandwich.

Almost at the last moment one person, one I had deliberately not engaged with, made the point of coming over to me more or less forcing himself upon the conversation I was part of, thrusting his hand at me to shake, and dead named me.   Now for many there it is still new to them, they are not used to using my current name and may from time to time slip, that I understand, but this! this was a deliberate insult. Intentional undermining, sending a message that he did not value my personal integrity or my ability to understand myself or agree that I should have the right to make the choices I have made. This is the man who has whispered poison in the ears of friends, indeed the only man who has made a policy of attacking my transition.   He did all of this in a Church dedicated to spreading love, at an event remembering a friend who believed in the universal love of our God, and lived that love.

This morning I am trying to think of all the friends who have accepted and supported me, of all those wonderful Christians who may not understand, but have chosen to show love and compassion ~ not the one who has set himself the task of undermining all of that.

I Believe; week three

I have not felt much like posting this week ~ for many reasons which I will not be going into just now.  But I will continue with my Lent series, this was originally designed as a discussion course, feel free to use it as you will.

And in Jesus Christ, his only begotten Son, our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, dead and buried; He descended into hell. The third day he rose again from the dead; He ascended into heaven, and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty. From there he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.

These are the fundamental statements of who Jesus is and what he did for us.   The first and most important thing is that Jesus is the Christ, that he is the Son of God, equal with the Father in eternity, majesty and power.   John tells us that “In the beginning was the Word” in a clear reference to Jesus, as the instrument of creation, a creation he then entered in order to save it.

·        Born to the virgin Mary – this is an important statement of believe, believe that Jesus is the Messiah as prophesied in the old testament.   

·        Conceived through the Holy Spirit – because Mary was a virgin, but also emphasising that Jesus is fully God and fully Man, born of woman but miraculously conceived by the Holy Spirit. 

·        Suffered under Pontius Pilot, why did a minor Governor of a minor state of the eastern empire get his name into the creed? This is not an exercise in placing blame but a way of placing the events securely in their historical setting.   The Romans were pretty good at keeping records and we know a lot about the Governorship of Pilot and his relationship with the peoples of Palestine.

·        Was Crucified, dead and buried ~ Jesus was really dead, He was not in a coma, he was not just body injured He was dead.   The Roman’s knew what they were doing when it came to killing, they were very good at it, and to make sure that the victims of this crucifixion were dead before the beginning of the Sabbath, the others had their legs broken ( in the situation of crucifixion this would have caused almost instant death through bone marrow entering the blood system, along with forcing all the weight to be supported through the extended arms)   Jesus was stabbed in the side, through several organs to ensure that He really was dead.   His blood was poured out in sacrifice, just like the sacrificial lambs on the alters of the Temple

·        He descended into hell ~ there has been a lot of conjecture over this did Satan have dominion over Christ between his death and resurrection? Did Christ minister to the dead, did He preach the good news in hell?   The words originally used are those common in classical language for the afterlife, rather than anything as specific as the Christian concept of a place of punishment.   This is further affirmation that Jesus was completely dead, experienced death the same way anyone fully human will, the difference is that as God he choose to die.

·        On the third day he rose again from the dead; He ascended into heaven, ~ Since Jesus was fully dead it was through the Fathers authority and will that Jesus was resurrected.   This was not the spirit of Jesus returning, but his body brought back to life, after being three days dead, his spirit had left the body and had been with the dead but the Father brought them back together and gave the body fresh life.   There were several occasion when Jesus was seen by individuals or groups, he spoke with them he ate with them, taught them, then he returned to heaven and joined the Father.   

·        He ascended into heaven, whether this is symbolic or he literally rose up into the sky he returned to heaven without dyeing again.   I was Jesus’ living body that rose into heaven until it was obscured from the sight of the disciples, this means that Jesus human body has now been incorporated into the Godhead.   It is in this body that Jesus will return, at a time unknown but in a way that we will all recognize.

·        and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty. From there he shall come to judge the quick and the dead. ~ The right hand is the place of honour, given by the host to the most important person present, the Father chooses to honour the son, above all else.   The Father has also given Jesus all authority, he and he alone shall sit in judgement, he and he alone has been found worthy to judge all of humanity

"You are worthy to take the scroll

And to open it’s seals

Because you were slain,

And with your blood you purchased

Men for God” rev.5:9

Jesus will Judge all, all those who have already died and those who are still alive at the time the Father has appointed.

When we say we believe in Jesus Christ are we fully relying on him

I Believe; Week two.

2 . I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth

This is the fundamental statement from which all others lead, without this basic belief in the Creator God, the Father of all things, Almighty powerful beyond our imagining all the rest are just stories.   This needs to come at the beginning of any statement of faith, just as the whole Bible starts with the basic statement “In the Beginning God created the heavens and the earth”   

This shows the essential truth that God is independent of creation, existing before any physical matter, before the beginning of time or the universe, God was.   The existence of God the Father is the foundation of all that is created, He made it out of nothing, it is through His will all the things in the heavens and on earth are, they exist through His creative act, and they have no power over, or against Him.   He is almighty.

The creator God revealed in Genesis is very different to the pagan gods, those gods would struggle with creation, attempting to shape it, contending for control over chaos.   The God if the Bible is different, through His sovereignty He creates matter and without struggle or difficulty shapes it to His will.

1.  Do we have to be creationists to believe in the creator God?

2.  Why do we call Him the Father?

3.  We seek to be in relationship with the Creator God, what does this mean for the relationship we have with his creation?

As I have said before this was designed as a discussion course, to ask questions rather than provide answers, for me that first question was a Biggy! When I first became a Christian I could not reconcile my basic scientific understanding with a literal reading of the beginning of Genesis. I think I have now understood what God is telling us through those verses, but that would make a very long post, maybe something I could come back to another day.   For me the answer is no, but I do know people for whom it is an essential to believe that every word of the Bible is not only true, but (quite different) accurate.

What Next?

I am in the strange position of having to face up to a few life changing decisions at the moment, in some way these decisions are a reflection of a bigger question, how do I want to live the rest of my live.   What sort of a live do I want to live.   I suppose some of this is the realisation of quite a bog birthday looming later this year, when I was forty I had just become a parent, when I was fifty I decided that it was high time I started to work out exactly what my gender miss match was all about.   Now I am approaching sixty I have questions about my body, my profession and my education.

Amongst other things I revisiting a question I thought I had settled over forty years ago. At that point I could think of no subject I wanted to study for three years, and what I saw of the student life as modeled for me by both my brothers simply did not appeal.   Instead I decided to join the workforce at that point my plan had been to work my way up, getting professional qualifications on the way, and enjoy a nice suburban lifestyle, with a nice suburban wife and family, paid for through my nice suburban job.   In short I was expecting to have a life in a world that was rapidly disappearing.   The jobs I anticipated doing no longer exist, the qualifications I achieved (AIB part 2) are irrelevant and equally extinct.    It took me about 3 years to work out that retail banking was boring, repetitive, and was never going to satisfy me.   The next job was also accounts based (in those days before PCs my dyslexia prevented me doing anything word based)  I enjoyed working for that Company and expected it to be a job for life ~ alas the 80 were the time when such things just disappeared.   The office I worked in is now a restaurant I can't afford to eat in, and the Company no longer manufactures in Britain, and at least has had the decency to drop the tag line "The Great British Radial"

Maybe that should have been the point to look at this but I thought I couldn't afford to take three years out of earning.   Now I am thinking if I don't do it now it will be too late, and I will have missed what could be my last opportunity.   A few years I ago I did Theology course through the C of E and thoroughly enjoyed it, at that time I had planned to continue the studies, but other matters, like earning a living, supporting a family and then transition all got in the way.   Now I am considering the implications of dropping my business and going to university to study for a degree in theology.   This would mean that after leaving I would still have three years before state pension age in which to try and earn a living. ~ There is a lot  to weigh up, not least how would I cope in a learning environment? and would I be able to manage exams?

What I need to find is a source of information and advise, if I were still at school I would be able to go to a member of staff, but a s a potential (very) mature student who can I go to?

Fast Forward

Gratuitous photo of Courtney Lawes

Given the title of this post, and the date I would excuse anyone for thinking that this might be about this afternoon's Rugby, specifically about the skills and fitness of some of the big forwards.   Certainly I am in awe of some of the modern players, players like Itoje, Lawes and Moriarty, all playing at Twickenham today, gone are the days of big strong men (Donkeys), who's sole job is to push in the scrums, jump in lineouts and win the ball for the clever boys (the Girls) to play with.   The game has changed a lot since my day, and I will be enjoying every moment of this weekends big games.

No; recently I have been thinking about Lent, what it means to me, and how I should be responding.

In quite a few previous years like many other Christians I have fasted by denying myself something I want to consume, often I have selected alcohol as the item to be given up.  It would be pointless to give up chocolate, or biscuits as this would be too easy, I like biscuits and chocolate, but to not have them for a few weeks would not be difficult, it would not represent any form of self denial, and therefore it would not be a sacrifice.   For me the point of the Lenten fast is to deepen the understanding of sacrifice, and through that to build up to the great sacrifice of Good Friday, and then the victory of Easter Sunday.   To me this means that any fast needs to be significant ~ it also needs to be achievable!

I add the last bit because quite frankly I'm not sure that I will be able to deny myself any alcohol for all of this coming Lent.   It is Ash Wednesday this week, the beginning of Lent, and during this period I have five concerts, four Pride events, one support group meeting and of course the rest of the Six Nations!   Quite frankly I'm not sure I can do it ~ maybe I should be looking to something I could manage without but that would still be a sacrifice.   Lying in bed this morning I was considering giving up meat for Lent.   I'm quite sure that my daughter would approve of this, I'm also quite sure that I could do it, and that it would represent some serious self denial.

Last year I ended up not making a Lenten fast, and I do know that it made Easter feel a lot less  significant, I know that it made this period of the year no different to any other.   As an incidental I also noticed that my seasonal weight loss came a lot later in the year!

Maybe I should be thinking about adopted self control as a permanent live style choice; maybe I should follow the advise of Alan Franks, the Vicar of Ambridge and give up complaining.

What I do know is that I need to join a Church, I can't carry on visiting a variety of local churches, I need to make some sort of commitment; and that, for now, will be my Lenten project, find the Church that I am meant to be part of, and get back into the habit of regular Sunday attendance.

Advent Calendar I

With "new" Hair Cut

I wasn't going to do this, but when it started to snow yesterday I felt that maybe I needed to do something to inspire a bit of seasonal cheer, mostly in myself!  I tend towards the "Humbug" school of thought on modern Christmas celebrations, Dickens has a lot to answer for!   Indeed I have friend on the other wing, the tinsel everywhere and every opportunity to celebrate; well maybe more than one friend like that actually and they are champing at the bit to get started.

I don't know how I am going to manage this, or indeed what sort of treats I will have for you behind the window each day ~ but I am pretty sure that Betty will feature pretty heavily again this year.

Tonight is Croydon Pride's event for World Aids Day, as Chair I will be in attendance, indeed this morning I went up to Covent Garden to get my hair "done" specially for tonight, while there I popped into St Paul's Covent Garden and saw that this afternoon they are holding a requiem specially for the day, I find this sort of thing quite inspiring.

Feeling Positive!

When I first moved I carried on going to the Church I joined a few years before.   The members are friendly the preaching challenging and I have always felt very comfortable there.   Maybe that was part of the problem, perhaps I felt too comfortable and it was too easy for me to take and not give.   Well after over a year living back in Croydon I thought it was time to start investigating more local Churches. I feel that I should be worshiping in the community that I live, and that I should be using the talents God has given me to help build His Kingdom where He has put me.   Well all this has meant that I am not part of a Church at the moment, the summer has been busy and all too often it has been all too easy not to go to any Church at all, when I don't have to.   I have slipped and I have missed it.

This Sunday I had not had a gig the night before, I didn't have a late night so no excuse! Add to that a good friend of mine was preaching at his Church on the subject of sexuality and gender identity.   Since he is a friend, and he invited me to come and hear him talk I assumed that the talk would be positive, so I planned on going. Then on the Friday evening I found myself playing as a guest at a concert with the Minister of that Church, so I really had to go.

I am pleased to say that I found the whole experience very positive, it is a Church where I have a few friends so I wasn't a total stranger but was made to feel very welcome, but more to the point I was very impressed to find a "middle of the road" Church of England Parish Church in a very white middle class area addressing these issues. They are doing a series of sermons on Difficult Questions and quite clearly the C of E has found human sexuality a big question since it has been struggling for decades with it.   My friends main point was that rather than have any sort of knee jerk reaction as Christians we should stop consider what the Bible really says , look at context, question translation and contemplate how our attitude and actions reflect Christ's love.   I had quite a long chat with a few people afterwards, and ended up by offering to go along and have an informal chat and do a question and answer session if enough people were interested.

I came away from the service feeling very positive about the C of E, and the state of Christianity, unfortunately it is not the Churches like this that get the publicity, it is the ranters, the extremist wing that get the publicity and the attention.   Maybe this sort of thing can help Christians understand how the vast majority of Muslims feel when their faith is portrayed as hate filled! ~ but that's another subject.

I do feel that things are moving the General Synod passed a very positive motion and there is a strong movement towards an authorised liturgy for marking transition. A while back I did go to a ceremony at a local Church celebrating a friends transition and change of name, that was a very positive experience involving the whole Church family, as far as I am concerned to have an authorised liturgy for something like this can only help.   I also have to reflect that this may be the only area of life where the T is getting a better response than the LGB.

Anyway the whole series of sermons can be found here at the time of writing the latest hasn't yet been posted, but it will be!

Desert Island Discs III

The two things that have consistently played a major role in my life, since way before puberty into what I like to think of as my middle age (although some would say that boat has sailed!) are music and gardens.   I got my love of gardens and gardening from my Grand Father, my Mother's Father lived with us for several years up until I was about 10   The garden was very much his domain and I loved to spend time with him.   My parents were quite happy about this as it gave them time to cope.   My Mother was looking after my Father, myself, my two Brothers, and my Grand Father, and in those days I do mean looking after, she had five shirts to wash and iron ~ every day ~ and of course that was before automatic washing machines. Meals to cook for six people and all the housework to do.   After I started at school she went back to work as a teacher, at that time there was a shortage of qualified teachers so there was a lot of pressure on her to return.

This just meant that I spent more time with my Grand Father, and therefore more time in the garden.   I wasn't consciously learning from him but simply by spending time I learnt how to prune, how to mow grass, the importance of keeping the edges tidy, and of course planting combinations.   I have now developed my own style of gardening, but that initial love comes from him.

All Saints Upper Norwood

Study by Pisarro

I was a singer until my voice broke, singing in the school choir, the Church choir and indeed I took a leading role as the King in my school's production of the Twelve Dancing Princesses ~ that will reveal my identity to about 50 people!  

I go into all of this because my next piece of music is Bach's Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring . Our Church was an impressive building in quite a large Parish, along with an excellent organist and a decent choir we were very popular for weddings. unless the bride expressed a preference our choir master would always trot out this anthem for us to sing during the signing of the register ~ sometimes we would sing it as often as four times on one Saturday afternoon ~ and could get paid up to five shillings for doing it!



Singing was my introduction into music, I loved the creativity and self expression it allowed me (although I would not have been able to express it that way then) as a rather fat clumsy child it was also something I could do well, and for me this piece sums up that time, and my love of choral music in general.   Unfortunately, but inevitably, adolescence kicked in and along with everything else my voice broke and I had to stop singing.   Soon afterwards I started to learn the tuba and have not sung seriously since ~ maybe when I retire I might get a chance but I suspect that my singing career was short but glorious!

It's not over yet

Saturday at London Pride was simply fantastic, or should that be fabulous?   After enjoying the parade we headed for our regular refuge at the end of this event, "The Tattersall Castle", Beer is outrageously expensive but with sharp elbows we can usually get a seat and it's not too crowded. several beers later I headed for home, happy, relaxed, and tired, I didn't feel it was too late when I got home so I popped some dinner in the oven, switched on the TV and sat down while it cooked.   Several hours later I woke up on the sofa to find charcoal in the oven!

The following Sunday I played with my wonderful Croydon Symphonic Band, in Dorking, then this weekend we have had both Croydon Pridefest and a another concert, this time in my local park.

Pridefest was amazing! So many people, so much love, so much talking, so much booze.   As chair, on the day I had to lead the parade and then make a short(ish) speech from the stage.   It was also a great pleasure to talk  to all the stall holders, and all the groups who were marching.

And it's not over yet, next Saturday is Trans Pride in Brighton, and then on the Sunday I am playing with the Linden Wind Orchestra in Sunbury.

With all this rather frantic activity I trust you will forgive my absence from the Blog, I do regret it. But, I regret more that this all means that it feels like a very long time since I've been able to attend Church on a Sunday.   I know that it is possible to be a Christian and not attend Church, but it's very hard, and I do miss it.   I miss the people, I miss the service, and I miss the discipline.   I am looking forward to having a free weekend (if I don't have to drive to Cornwall) soon and I am very much looking forward to being able to attend a regular service again.