At the moment I seem to keep passing milestones, and today is no exception. It is both a sobering and an encouraging day, for today I have received the first payment of my state pension. ~ I won't be living a life of luxury on it, but alongside my small occupational pension it does mean I will be able to live at some level of financial security. For me financial security is not something I have experienced for any substantial period of time having spent the majority of my career self employed, I hope to use these next few years to pursue some of the things that give me most satisfaction, making music, watching rugby, cooking (and eating) good food, and enjoying time with friends.
While indulging in the last two of those the other day two of us were considering our musical careers over the years and how different factors had impacted them, my lunch companion observed that whenever I referred to myself in my pre transition days I either used my "dead name" or "Him" never "me". I have noticed this in other trans women as well, it is an interesting phenonium. I am generally quite careful of language (especially when in conversation with those I have not known for long) I will talk of my days as a chorister ~ not as a choir boy, or when I was a child; I might refer to other girls but not other boys. I am also well known for referring to my pretransition days as "in another life". This is not because I don't know who I was or how the world experienced me back then, it's more because I don't want to screw with other people's minds too much.
Fat and Ugly? |
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