Polymath or dilettante

I have often observed that no one of us is just one thing, indeed in the strap line to this blog I claim to be the "World's leading bass trombone and tuba playing transgender Christian gardener." Although no one has ever challenged me on that claim even that is not everything I am. The idea of that line is to underline that my identity is not simply "Trans Woman" I, like everybody else, am many things, and my identity is different in different environments.

Voluntary Work!?

Like many people the last few years have taken a toll on me, they have also given me the opportunity to reflect on what I want out of life and and how I want to fill my time. I have been finding my gardening work physically increasingly arduous, indeed I have finally come to accept that it is time for me to slow down a bit and spend more time on other things, like music and my voluntary work. I was shocked the other day when I was explaining this to one of my customers, basically telling her I was retiring to give me more time making music when she was surprised to find that I'm a musician! I always thought that this was something that permeated my very essence and like my faith showed in everything I do; ~ clearly I was wrong, to her I was "just" the gardener.

Just the Tuba Player

In other environments I may be "just" the tuba player or the even the conductor, but I like to think that in everything I do I bring everything I am. It is easy to classify myself as a "Jack of all Trades but master on none", indeed I have often wondered if had devoted myself to just one discipline would I have been better a "Success"? Would I have played more first team rugby? Played in better orchestras? presented Gardener's World? But these things are only one interpretation of success. Just like money, celebrity is, I believe, a flawed measure of success. Darwin had the idea that success meant simply to pass on ones genes, again I feel that this an over simplified and flawed measure of success. Yet I don't know what would be a better measurement ~ contentment, self expression, an artistic legacy? Given that I have now started composing as well, I think I can now say that I have achieved all of these ~ don't get me wrong there is still more I want to do, and a little more money wouldn't go amiss either.

These days when I look forward I'm not thinking about what job I want to have, I'm not planning my family, now I'm thinking about what I really want to do with my remaining time, and how am I going to do it. I'm looking forward to having more time, to maybe getting a publisher for my music, I'm looking to do a bit more comedy, not for the fame or fortune, but because it's a challenge and when it works great fun. Next year I'm going to be doing some motorsport (watch this space!) and I'm thinking that maybe I could manage one more home move ~ to maybe have my own garden again.

Maybe if I had devoted myself to just the one thing I might have made more money, enjoyed more celebrity, but I don't think I would have ended up as a sufficiently rounded person, and dare I say it as everything I do informs everything I do, maybe I wouldn't be such a good musician (possibly a better instrumentalist) certainly not as nice a person!