I will

When I started Paula's Place it was my confidential confidant, a place I could pour out my heart (although I rarely did) knowing I was incognito and that no one reading it knew the real me.   That is no longer the case, I know that a number of my personal friends often visit and read my musings, I also know that I am getting between 150 and 250 hits per day so there is a good chance that some of the random visits could be from people who will know or at least recognise me.

Now that I am pretty much fully "out" and more or less full time that shouldn't really be an issue however I now find myself in a position where I have been hurt by somebody and would like to express that, to vent my spleen, but can't because I know that my friends are their friends and I don't want to be the cause of pain.

This has left me feeling rather sad, rather lonely and at a bit of a loss how to act. An important part of my life has been cut off, I did anticipate this but it still hurts. Once again I have to go through a process of bereavement ~ and it doesn't get easier with practice.  I now need to trust that God will act, that He will fulfill my need, that He will be faithful. Of course I know in my mind that He will, after all He always has, it's just that sometimes what our hearts feel and minds know do not totally agree, then the mind has to make a decision, an act of will, that will take the heart and soul along with it.

Therefore I choose to say "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord"