I very nearly outed myself by accident the other night. as I have written elsewhere I went to the Theatre on Saturday night, this was a very pleasant evening with what I thought an excellent play. Primarily a moral tale with the message of nothing in excess.
I enjoyed the play so much that at Monday night's rehearsal I gave it a bit of a boost, telling a few members of the band how much I enjoyed the play. This was when I found out that one of the members of the band is in the cast!
I had not recognised him, and he made no mention that he may have recognised me, I just hope I haven't embarrassed him! This made me realise that although I pay lip service to the idea that if everyone knew about Paula, then I could live in freedom to dress how I want to when I want to, well I may not be quite ready for that yet. Most of all the thought of risking much that I hold dear is worrying. In future I think I need to be a bit more careful, and play away from home.
Perhaps you have an unconscious desire for Paula to be recognized in public and/or to be out of the closet? Would it help to work though, either on paper or in your head, what you would expect to happen should Paula be found out? Do you expect a lot of friends and family members to have an adverse reaction to this information?
ReplyDeleteI know that I am not the best person to counsel you as how best to proceed, but I would recommend that each time you go out as Paula, expect to run across someone who is more familiar with your other self. I run through this exercise myself, which is why Arianwen has not been out in public for a long time.
Best of luck to you in however you proceed!